embracing my chaos
serving ya'll my chaotic neutral and/or unlawful
Yesterday, I posted a slightly unhinged post on Reddit. It was by accident. I really, really wanted an answer to my question, and I use Grammarly to fact-check my work. In standing with my long history of copyediting, I did not reread the post, and the AI on non-Grammarly sites moved to beta form. And I posted my questions.
Someone pointed out that my second paragraph was unhinged and then proceeded to answer the question…as did everyone after them.
I started a discussion and got my answer! Spoiler for my heart, the main character of the show I am currently watching will continue to frustrate me. Her white privilege and savor complex remain unchecked and is encouraged as the show goes on~~ I am still reeling and annoyed, how can this woman flanked by two men of color never gets told, you white laying a tad bit much when she gets people killed. It makes the show very unbelievable for me. And YES, the show about a medical resident turning zombie turned side-kick detective!
Let’s bring us back to the point of this edition of the newsletter! I have spent the last 2 years (ish), trying to give ecologist gone black (egb) shape, structure, and body. I planned, brainstormed, started, and stuttered over and over. All I found was stickiness, shame, and a sense of failure. I internalized the crap out of that. And I have felt dread and horror about this substack for most of the last years.
I think I forgot something fundamental about black. Inside the blackness is the blackness. If this narrator (the ecologist who went into the black) is in the black, then why am I practicing the same skills and techniques as when I was an ecologist? WHY!?
Well, we know why, right? Good ole conditioning and fear of the unknown. Which is fair!
I want share my most ardent and comical version of this narrator’s preference, the chaotic neutral to unlawful! So, you will get what I am excited about, thinking about, in the varied forms of (un)polished and English teacher* acceptable.
*That is a post for another time.
Moon Update: The moon was recently new at the time of writing this. I confirmed it with the app on my phone because I could not see anything in the sky.
Life Update: I saw something really cool things on my outing today, one being a really nice haircut on a person with similar hair cut as me. The other is pictured below.
Okay. I am done narrating now. I’ll see you again when I have something to share with you. Okay.
Okay. Bye.